My daughter Daisy reached sixteen, and it was as if a switch had been switched. My beloved young girl is gone, replaced by someone who appears to despise the mere sight of me. My teenage daughter has mocked my appearance, weight, and age for the past two years. It got to the point where, the other day, as I was sitting in a video conference, she crept behind me and cut off the end of my ponytail as a “prank,” saying mean things about my appearance.

Therapy, limits, and interactions with trusted adults have all proven ineffective. She is unrelenting, and the harm she is causing to my confidence and sense of security in my own home is significant. I frequently find myself lingering at work or the gym, dreading the moment I step through my own front door.

I faced my husband, expecting his support, and said, “I believe we should explore boarding school for Daisy. She requires a rigorous environment, something to interrupt the loop, because nothing we’ve done has worked. But his response went deeper than anything my daughter had ever done. He looked at me with pity and said, “I’m sorry for you. I’m quite disappointed with the mother you’ve become! As the mother of an adolescent, you should have been more mature and understanding. Sending her away would just break the family apart. “Can’t you see you’re overreacting?”

His reaction took me off guard. It turns out that I am the one who is acting immaturely and clearly wrong. Hearing him reject my worries and pain so quickly felt like a new form of betrayal. I understood that the issue is no longer Daisy’s nastiness, but rather the loneliness I feel in this fight and the lack of support from the one person who should understand me. Now that the struggle has switched from daughter versus mother to husband against wife, I’m doubting not only my parenting, but also my marriage.