Conducted by researchers at Indiana University Bloomington, the study surveyed more than 4,000 people. They asked them to describe their favorite things about being sexual with a partner in hopes of uncovering what really matters most in these intimate relationships.
And if your only education on the subject came from awkward high school health classes or binge-watching shows like Sex Education, then yeah – the results might come as a bit of a surprise.
Published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, the study asked people to answer this open-ended prompt: “Describe your favorite things about being sexual with a partner.”
Of course, given the subject matter and how some people still struggle to talk about it seriously – it’s no big shock that a few answers leaned more on the playful side. One person simply responded, “sex is great, period,” while another wrote “everything.”
But despite a few like that, most of the feedback was positive. The researchers were able to categorize all the replies into 22 key themes based on the kinds of things people found meaningful or enjoyable.
According to the study, many participants talked about specific sexual activities they enjoy – ranging from kissing to oral sex. Researchers noted that responses mentioning these types of acts came up often, particularly among male participants.
Other responses reflected deeper emotional connections. People talked about the joy of pleasing their partner, feeling loved and cared for, and just feeling good in the moment together.
Interestingly, ‘orgasm’ didn’t even make the top five. It came in sixth place. Some of the lesser-mentioned but still notable themes included topics like kink and pain, imaginative fantasies, primal urges, and even reproduction and parenting.
Turns out, the biggest takeaway was intimacy. A total of 912 participants said that feeling close to their partner – whether that closeness was physical, emotional, or even spiritual was what meant the most to them during sex.
Some people described having “overwhelming feelings of closeness.” Others talked about getting “lost in the moment.” And one person beautifully expressed that everything else just disappeared and it felt like it was “just the two of us” who “matters.”
The results encouraged people to look beyond the basics and think about sex in a more open and meaningful way – one that includes not just physical pleasure but emotional connection too.