Back in 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared that America is in the middle of a loneliness crisis. He made it clear that this isn’t just a passing mood. It’s something much more serious – a real threat to public health.
Although the COVID-19 pandemic certainly made things worse, Murthy explained that nearly half of all adults in the country were already reporting feelings of isolation before the pandemic hit. Fast forward to 2024, and polls show that about 30 percent of Americans feel lonely at least once every single week.
According to psychologist Dr. Emily Guarnotta from Phoenix Health, women are more likely to keep those feelings inside and blame themselves.
Instead, they assume it means something is wrong with them, which often leads to feelings of shame.
“This can result in a destructive shame cycle that reinforces loneliness,” she added.
So, what exactly are the 10 signs women might be giving off when they’re lonely—but without even realizing it? Here’s what experts had to say.
Constantly busy
Dr. Michele Goldman, a psychologist and media advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, says that some women who always seem to be on the go might actually be struggling emotionally behind the scenes.
“Some people who are lonely are the busiest of women—the woman who is ‘doing it all,” she said.
“Filling your calendar with events and obligations does not mean you feel a meaningful connection and are emotionally supported,” she said.
People pleasers
Dr. Guarnotta points out that women dealing with loneliness often go out of their way to make others happy, hoping to feel some kind of emotional connection through their efforts.
“They may always say yes and sacrifice their own needs and desires for others,” she said. “This can also be perceived to be positive by others, but it could lead to burnout and resentment on the part of the people-pleaser.”
Social isolation
While this one might seem obvious, social isolation still makes the list. Dr. Guarnotta says some women actively pull back from social gatherings, which might be an overlooked signal of how disconnected they feel inside.
“This could be because these types of situations cause her to feel anxious, or because she fears getting close to others,” she said. “When she is invited to social or work functions, she may find a way to get out of them.”
Surface-level relationships
Some women appear to have a full social life but still struggle to build real, deep connections. Experts say the friendships may look solid on the outside, but often lack emotional closeness and depth.
Dr. Goldman explained: “Some women can make and maintain relationships fairly easily, but those relationships can be quite surface-level and superficial. These are relationships of convenience or proximity but often lack true emotional vulnerability. Even though it might appear that there is social connection, emotionality is lacking, which can lead to loneliness.”
Unhealthy relationships
According to Dr. MacBride, women who feel lonely may hold on to toxic or emotionally draining romantic relationships out of fear.
They might worry that ending those relationships would leave them even more alone.
“It can be hard to hold a boundary and walk away when you are emotionally drained but fearful of the abyss of truly being ‘all alone’,” she added.
Excessively positive
It’s easy to assume that someone who feels lonely would seem sad or withdrawn, but psychologists say the opposite can sometimes be true.
“Excessive positivity can present as always seeming in a good mood, only displaying positive emotions and being unable to tolerate more negative emotions in self or others,” Dr. Guarnotta said. “While in some ways—this may be a likeable quality, it could turn some people off if they feel like it’s disingenuous.”
Worst critic
Dr. Jan Miller, a psychologist with Thriveworks, explains that many lonely women become their own harshest critics. They judge themselves more than they would ever judge someone else.
“She may notice an increase in her internal critic or negative voice that reinforces the core belief that something is wrong with her, making her believe that is the explanation for her loneliness,” she explained.
Lacking self-care
When loneliness creeps in, women may start to neglect the little things that help them feel good and balanced.
Dr. Miller says this includes skipping meals, ignoring personal grooming, or giving up on hobbies that used to bring joy.
“These changes could be a reflection of depression connected to loneliness as well as an overall sense of ‘why bother?'” she added.
Independence
While being independent is often seen as a strength, Dr. Guarnotta says that for lonely women, it can also become a defense mechanism. It keeps others at a distance to avoid the risk of being hurt or disappointed.
She explained: “They may prefer to do things on their own rather than ask for help. If someone offers to help, they may not accept it. This keeps them from getting hurt or let down by others.”
Social media posting
Endless scrolling, constant binge-watching, and flooding your social media feed with content can all be ways to cover up loneliness. Experts say this behavior might seem harmless but could be trying to fill a real emotional gap.
“Hours of scrolling, binge-watching and frequent social media posting can be an attempt to replace connections,” Dr. MacBride added. “Some even use this to feel close to online or social media personalities.”